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Making Love, the Tantric Way

Orgasm is overrated! Sex, for most people, has always been about reaching the earth shattering pinnacles of pleasure called orgasm. And in this quest, many a tender moment which sparks off a profusion of ecstasy has been ignored.

Tantric sex is all about going back to the basics where making love was all about enjoying each ripple of ethereal pleasure and an act where white hot passion finds eloquent expression in gentler rhythm. Our experts give you a lowdown on what tantric sex is all about and de-mystify the finer art of making love.

Tantric sex isn’t really a brand new concept. It has been around for centuries, endorsed by different cultures at different points in history. In fact, the Kamasutra is considered to be a tantric treatise on making love. A poetic science of sexuality, tantric sex treats sexual energy as a friend. In other words, this is the only spiritual path which claims (and rightly so, too) that sex is sacred.

“Tantric sex is all about giving unconditional love in mind, spirit and body. Sex becomes divine because it is approached from the heart and body rather than the mind. It is little wonder that tantric practitioners claim to “drop their mind” while engaging in such intense love making. True belief of tantra is that energy comes from a space which is actually inside you and this connects you to Gods and Goddesses. Tantric sex changes ones view of relationships. People are no longer dependent and are more harmonious, fun loving and vivacious about life”, explains Dr. Susan D’Souza, sex therapist and a tantra expert.

Busting myths:
A member of the American Association of Sexual Practitioners, Dr. D’Souza has taught tantra in India and Italy apart from New York at the Sufi Center and the New Life Expo. She also conducts group tantra seminars and workshops at the New York Open Center. Dr. D’Souza talks about common myths that cloud tantric sex and gives us the clear picture.

Myth #1: There is no genital contact.
Busted: “The tantric way of love making isn’t just about sex. Neither is it about denying sex or suppressing feelings of desire. In tantric sex, genital contact is only the last way to reach the higher energy connection”, clarifies Dr. D’Souza.

Myth #2: Tantric sex means giving up pleasure.
Busted: “Most people think that tantric sex is too philosophical. But tantric sex doesn’t mean renouncing pleasure. In fact, it enhances joy and pleasure as the process helps one recognize the force which sex plays in their life”, she says, on an enlightening note.

Myth #3: Tantric sex turns you into a sex maniac.
Busted: “This is one of the biggest myths in the West. While tantric sex does release sexual energy, it is a natural tendency to act out sexually. The key here is to learn the practices in a more responsible manner to avoid the rut of meaningless sex”, adds Dr. D’Souza.
Triumph for tantra

In the last few decades, relationships have disintegrated and a lot of couples suffer frustration. Tantric sex is an alternative approach (or the pop psychology) to heal fractured relationships and a way to help couples fall in love all over again. “Now, couples depend on envy and addiction triggered by the lack of love and intimate connection. Tantric sex is known to heal dysfunctional relationships with negative patterns with a focus on achieving a deeper connection, physically and spiritually with the person who they love the most”, relates Dr. D’Souza, who believes that tantric sex has a multitude of positive implications.

The spiritual twist to love making expands the possibilities for love, which helps strengthen the relationship. “Tantric sex is a way to enhance health – physically and psychologically. Breathing is improved as the various positions help you to get more air into your body. Tantric sex empowers women showing them how to tackle their low self esteem and issues with body image. Women are treated with respect and given what they desire and deserve. The Yin and Yang composition which is the basic premise of tantric sex ensures complete satisfaction with sex as the focus here is on feeling everything, pleasure and love, with your body”, says Dr. D’Souza.

Three steps to nirvana
“You don’t have to be a yogi in order to experience sensational tantric sex! Anybody can do it with a good posture that’s comfortable and a tantric sex position which gets your sexual energy flowing. One of the ideas in tantric sex is “to stay relaxed in high states of arousal”. How can you be relaxed when you are uncomfortable?” questions Erica Wilson, a tantric sex trainer at the Sky Dancing Tantra Institute, USA.

Erica has been teaching tantric sex with her husband Wilson for nearly a decade and has conducted around 115 workshops and vacation retreats for couples and singles from all walks of life. A part of the Institute of Ecstatic Living, she tells us the secret behind sensational tantric sex. “Tantric sex is all about intention, attitude and being present. In tantra, all techniques lead us to the point where our own personal spring merges with the ocean of great bliss and where we relax into being rather than doing. At that point, we become one with our partner and the Divine Mystery and there is true communion”, she explains. Here are the three key factors which are integral to experience tantric sex.

Letting go of the goal:
Sensational tantric sex is about the journey rather than seeking to get to a certain goal. “The Big Orgasm feels wonderful, and it can open the door to the divine more easily than many other keys. However, by letting go of the goal you can find a lot of pleasure along the way that leads to being more orgasmic every moment, rather than having a 10 second big oh”, reiterates Erica.

Energy awareness:
“I’m sure you’ve notice a great amount of energy during sex! And what happens when all your attention is focused on the genitals? Eventually, you ejaculate and it is all over. In tantric sex, we consciously send the energy into our whole body to prolong the sexual experience and transform the pure lust and pleasure into a spiritual experience. It is pretty easy to move energy – just imagine that you are moving it! Before you know it, the point of no return has transformed into a blissful seven-hour lovemaking session”, she adds, wondrously.

Breathing better:
“The breath can connect us to each other in ways that nothing else can. It is the link that runs between all human beings. Become aware of your own breathing, and harmonize it with your partner’s. To intensify the sexual energy, breathe faster and deeper. To draw back from a genital orgasm breathe shallower and slower. It is vital to experiment with breathing through the mouth and the nose. Explore breathing in and out simultaneously or share inverted breathing where one inhales when the other exhales”, explains Erica with a flourish.

The journey of love
Tantric sex, though easy, needs practice and patience to explore its myriad potential. Erica gives us two basic positions which can help initiate a positive approach to love making. Before plunging into the process, Erica reminds us, “In these positions and in tantric sex at large, the goal is not the earth shattering orgasm. The lovemaking is a journey of breathing, feeling, connecting, moving, being orgasmic and becoming one with our partner and one with all”.

Position 1: Yab Yum
A sexual position that could be described as a classic “tantric sex position” is the Yab Yum. Yab Yum is the Tibetan word for “Father Mother” and it signifies the merging and union of the male and female, of heaven and earth.

In this position you can try the keys to sensational tantric sex that have been described above.

  1. 1. The man sits on the bed or another flat surface with his legs folded in the half lotus position. If he finds it uncomfortable to sit in this pretzel-like position, he can sit on a chair or on the edge of the bed instead, letting the legs dangle.

  2. 2. The woman sits on his lap, straddling him, her legs encircling his waist. She can put a pillow under her buttocks to make it more comfortable. If both are sitting on a chair, her legs can just be loose over his legs.

  3. 3. By raising herself up, she can insert the vajra into her yoni. Whether he is erect or soft, either state works fine.

  4. 4. Put the upper bodies close together for more skin sensation. Wrap your arms around each other.

  5. 5. Place the tips of your tongues together and experiment with different ways of breathing. Try it with eyes closed, and with looking into each others’ eyes.

  6. 6. You can explore a variety of movements in this position – the traditional in/out (up and down) of thrusting intercourse, side to side, or a rhythmic rocking of the pelvis.

  7. 7. In the rocking motion, arch the lower back on the inhale and round it on the exhale.

  8. 8. Imagine that your sexual energy flows in a circle – from her yoni to her heart, then through her mouth into his mouth, down to his heart. From there through his vajra into her yoni and back up to her heart.

  9. 9. The benefits of this position are that you can have eye contact, kiss, and touch each other freely.

Position 2: “Fitting-on of the Sock” and “The Rolling Tickle”
These are two positions that blend together nicely and are very suitable if you are not that flexible.

  1. 1. She lies on her back, her head supported by a firm pillow.

  2. 2. He kneels between her legs or sits on his heels. To support his knees, he can place a pillow between his buttocks and his heels.

  3. 3. Her legs straddle around his legs.

  4. 4. He places his vajra along the entire length of her vulva and uses him to stroke her. He can use his free hand to stimulate other erogenous zones.

  5. 5. When she is sufficiently lubricated and excited, he enters her.

  6. 6. She reaches her pelvis up to meet his vajra in rhythmic motions.

  7. 7. If she is flexible enough, she can pull her knees towards her chest.

  8. 8. He penetrates her deeply as she rolls her thighs up and down. To support her and help her move, he can slide his hands under her buttocks.
The benefits of this position are that he can reach her G-spot directly with his thunderbolt, maintain direct eye contact and that both partners have their hands free for other stimulation and touch.

“When you explore sexuality with consciousness and harness its powers to experience profound connection with another human being, you transcend the need for techniques and simply get into the flow. This flow reaches all areas of your life. Sensational tantric sex experienced in the bedroom becomes ecstatic living every moment”, concludes Erica, summing up the experience of tantric sex in a nutshell.


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