I WAS UNAWARE THAT MY HUSBAND WAS HIV+



Kousalya Periasamy recalls how she overcame the stigma and the feelings of betrayal and anger to found the PWN+, a network that works relentlessly to spread AIDS awareness. By Anitha Ramachandran

Newlywed Kousalya’s dreams of a blissful future were shattered when her husband tested HIV+. She went into a phase of depression when she tested positive too. A widow at 20 years, Kousalya Periasamy, 37, put the past behind her and started ‘Positive Women Network’ (PWN+), an All-India network of HIV positive women that focuses on spreading awareness on HIV/AIDS.

Born in a village in Namakkal District, Tamil Nadu, Kousalya was brought up by her maternal grandparents and uncle after her mother passed away when she was only 2 years old. Her father remarried when she was three. With two older siblings, she grew up in a joint family where she completed her high school. Further studies were out of the question when marriage talks began after she completed 12th standard. Kousalya recalls, “I was not keen on getting married. I vividly remember going on fasts at home and not talking to people, but there was nothing I could do then. I finally gave in!” She was married off to her cousin brother (athai paiyan) so that her ancestral property would stay in the family. Like they say ‘a calm sea brings danger’, things started taking an ugly shape in Kousalya’s life. 45 days into a smooth marriage, she fell sick. “The doctor asked me to bring my husband for a test if my sickness continues.” When her husband took the HIV test, he was found positive. “My husband had gone thrice for HIV tests before marriage and he knew he was positive. Just ten days before the marriage, he got his test results. What upsets me is that they hid the news from me and my family.” Kousalya’s husband causally told her that he is going for a regular medical check and went to the hospital. The test results he brought home carried news that shook her. “It came as a huge blow to me. I was shocked. I saw the report which read ‘AIDS’. But I didn’t understand why the report said that. After a long discussion with the whole family, we decided to go for a check-up together. The nurses there were gossiping looking at my sad state.” Somehow, Kousalya never believed the tests completely. “The feeling of me being positive did not sink in for a long time.”

Kousalya separated from her husband, though not legally, and started her treatment. She travelled to Salem along with her uncle and grandmother to visit a doctor there. “He was annoyed with my family for getting me married without knowing that my husband is positive. I overheard the doctor telling them that removing my uterus is the only solution right now. He also mentioned that once the uterus is removed, I can start living with my husband.” Kousalya and her family members’ knowledge about AIDS was zilch. Her uncle started collecting books and reading materials on the condition. “When I did nursing as a course in high school there was a question on this topic. My teacher told that the cause of this deadly disease is external relationships and if I mention that in the answer paper, I would get marks.” Her knowledge about AIDS was that of a 2 mark question and nothing else. She drew a boundary around her and slowly stopped interacting with others. “I cut contacts with my husband and his family mainly because they hid the news of him being positive from me. They even had plans of getting him remarried! I threw the house key on him in a fit of anger and walked out of my two month marriage. That was the last time I saw him.” Seven months later, Kousalya became a widow.

She filed a case against her in-laws for not informing her about her husband’s death. She lodged a complaint with the collector, demanding her share of the property. “His family bribed and influenced them. Every time I went to the authorities to know the status of the case, they would lie to me saying they had lost the file. I wanted to pursue the case, but got fed up after a point!” She received nil support from her father because her husband was related to him. “While taking my treatment, I started hearing more and more news about young widows and HIV being the cause. It irked me!” Kousalya became hugely stressed because of several doctors who started advising her to take herbal and Siddha medicines. “I knew medicines are not going to help me in any way. I was not scared about death. I accepted the fact that I am sick and thus started being at peace with myself. All of us are going to face death one day, is it not?”

Facing gender discrimination from the society, Kousalya decided not to leave the world quietly. She became the first woman to talk openly about her HIV positive status to the society and the media. “The percentage of women suffering from HIV is more than men. The rate of women getting the disease from their husbands is more. Several Indian women still continue to suffer the problems I faced.” She raised a voice that people started hearing from around the world.

Kousalya met three positive women- Varalakshmi, Jones and Hema at a program organized by the National AIDS Control Organization in 1997. Their interaction about women living with HIV/AIDS and the discrimination they face made them realize that the section of women needed support and a helping hand. Kousalya, who was actively involved as a volunteer in HIV awareness, got herself trained in counselling. “I started visiting rural villages and explained to them about the causes, preventive measures, symptoms and treatment of HIV/AIDS. I wanted to do something big like creating a platform for positive women to come and discuss their problems.” The four women conducted a three day workshop with other positive women. With numerous interactive discussions, Positive Women Network (PWN+) was born in 1998! With support from the media, Government, NGOs, well-wishers and doctors, PWN+ started gaining momentum. “There were issues to be discussed, questions to be answered and help to be found.” The organization frequently conducts workshops, medical checkups and seminars on HIV/AIDS all over India today. Kousalya is the face of PWN+ and she is extremely proud of her journey.

There is one thing that disillusions her though. “My organization has been striving hard for the past so many years in bringing about a change in the society, but in vain. Sometimes, we give up but then continue our struggle again. A bill at the central government that talks about discrimination of HIV positive people is pending for years. Every parliament session, I look forward to the bill becoming a law. I am still waiting! The bill also talks about providing a health certificate with a HIV test result to the marriage registrar. This way, young widows and widowers can see a ray of hope. Hopefully, something good will happen this year,” she signs off on a positive note.

Pull Out “I was not keen on getting married. I vividly remember going on fasts at home and not talking to people, but there was nothing I could do then. I finally gave in!”     Pull Out “I cut contacts with my husband and his family mainly because they hid the news of him being positive from me. They even had plans of getting him remarried! I threw the house key on him in a fit of anger and walked out of my two month marriage. That was the last time I saw him”     Pull Out “I started visiting rural villages and explained to them about the causes, preventive measures, symptoms and treatment of HIV/AIDS. I wanted to do something big like creating a platform for positive women to come and discuss their problems”